ADHD It's a curse

They would try to make you believe that it's a boon with some side effects. BULLSHIT!! It's a curse. I do not believe any successful person or smart guy can have this disease. Because it will turn you into a LOOSER!!

Wasted Time

 In the middle of my final exams my mother told me that she's gonna buy a new digital camera. I was very thrilled to hear that as I don’t have one. At first I told myself, “Arafat wait!!” But who's gonna stop me? Myself? Not a chance. That was one of those cold nights when the night starts having effect on my brain and my brain automatically starts storming. You might have heard from Ted Mosby (How I met your mother) that, "Nothing good happens after 2 am". Anyway, I didn't have to wait that long. I heard the news at 9 pm. At about 10;30 I turned on my laptop ( Yeah guys, I’ve recently bought one ), got connected to the internet and by the time it was 2 o clock, my 'download' folder was filled with camera review videos and in addition, 15-20 more was in the queue of my download manager. I thoughts were overloaded with camera-buying tips and information and my eyes were skimming through every review sites and threads on camera review. After 4 hours of research and discussion over fb, I finally decided to buy canon powershot sx210 IS. What followed next was expected. I removed the unfinished video downloads from my download manager's queue and searched "digital photography tutorial" on youtube. By 5 in the morning I was exhausted and came what I call the "Frustration Hour". This is the hour when my feet touch the ground again, and I remember what I should have done. I went to the bathroom (that is where I smoke) and lit the last cigarette of the night. I realized, I have started many things that I haven't finished yet. I have plans to learn guitar well, learn programming and become a graduate as soon as possible. So, I cannot take any new project which eventually I won't finish. A voice inside me yelled, STOP! I went to bed with guilt of wasting time. Tomorrow I have a final exam and I am still wasting time on this meaningless blog.

Blah!! Blah!! Blogship!!

Sometimes I think writing blog is pointless. Why should I write blog when, nobody reads them. I have noticed that all my blogs contains some stupid stories. In fact now I am thinking about stuffing the whole story of 'me writing blogs' here. But I would not start it right away. Let me go back to the analysis part that why do I write blog.( may be unconsciously i ve already started to go blah blah about my blog story ). Well, one of the main reason is to remember what happened in my life. I am a very forgetful person. May be, someday I will read all my blogs and I will remember what I have done in my life. Actually I have already done something like this. Before starting blog here, I used to write blog at my.opera.com. It was 3 years back. I only tried it for 2-3 months and I managed to write 3-4 blogs. Later, 2 months earlier suddenly all those blogging memories came to me and I visited my old blog site and I was like, "holy shit!! what have I wrote". My writing style was really really bad. The first thing I did was, delete all of them. After that I started over again. Ops!! another story!!

So, where was I?  Another cause of writing blog is to practice something creative. Although I have not been so creative while writing, I think it's worth trying. Furthermore, I find it hard to express myself completely while writing. It is a very challenging task to do. But, when I see my complete piece of work the I feel good from inside.

I am not a good storyteller. Despite I would like to finish this blog with the story I planned to tell in the beginning. It was just a week before I started 'discrete string'. For the 8th or 9th time in my life I started to write a thriller novel and as usual was very excited about it. When I told my plan to my friend Rossi, he encouraged me. Then, I came to know that once Rosi used to write short stories and he showed me one. I was amazed by his writing style. It was excellent piece of writing. I insisted him to start a blog as I  had felt that he could write interesting and funny blogs. He said he would try. Yet he has not started writing but, the idea struck me. And here I am writing blog in bad writing style and with limited vocabulary and almost with no adjective.

BE SERIOUS !!

    Last month one of my close friends was refused by the girl he likes. He was very sad at that time. When he came to me to share his sorrows and feelings, he became very angry to see me smiling. I could not help it. Most of the time I smile involuntarily. Moreover, there were some funny component of his story. Though my face expression and way of talking might have been sarcastic, I believe that I was talking seriously( :D ) . Later I have found out that most of my friends avoid sharing their love-affair problems with me. Because they feel that I would make a joke out of it. One of my friends even thinks that if anyone were the only person to laugh at a break-up story,( the story he told me was funny anyway ) it would be me!! ( as if I have never been through this emotion :@ )  Most recently, my best friend warned me in advance by saying, " Orfi, stop making fun now, I'm not in that mood " before even talking about his love-affair problem.

                 

          The title of this blog is a common advice given to me. Not that I take everything lightly, but somehow my friends think that I should be more serious at serious moments. Actually the problem is people generally expect that you gotta make your face expressionless and if possible manage some folds in your forehead to be serious. I think, people should not at least my friends should not count face expression as measurement of seriousness  specially while talking to me. They should rather measure seriousness by the internal meaning of what is being told. When someone says something trivial with a damn serious face expression the whole setting becomes extremely ironic. This is a common trick used in comedy movies. In real life in many cases I have encountered this type of situations. Generally people are so influenced by  the face expression that, most of the time they cannot realize the irony of these situations. As I am one of the chosen ones ( :P) who have extreme sense of humor, for me controlling laughter becomes too hard in such situations. For instance, try this link ( it's a damn big story ). On the other hand, one can say serious things with even smiling face or may be even with sarcasm. Therefore dear readers and specially dear friends, it is apprehended that, seriousness has got nothing to do with anyone's particularly my way of talking or face expression.

Socialization of an Ignorant Kid

      When I was a child, WWF ( resling ) was very famous among my friends. All the kids had his favorite fighter and most of the boys knew all the fighters' name. Unfortunately for me this task was not easy. Cause, I did not like WWF that much. I would try to watch though, in order to claim that I watch WWF. Similarly, most of the boys watched cricket. My dad also watched cricket. But, the terminology and rules of the game seemed very hard to me. As a result, I did not have interest in cricket. Whenever my classmates used to talk about their cricket heroes or WWF fevorites, I could not join their discussion and felt like an alien. 

       When I look around I see young boys playing football or cricket. I did not play these games until I was 14. By that time most of the kids around me became so efficient at these that they hardly took me in their team. I remember once I saw my classmates playing long pitch cricket. I was amazed to see that. Because, till then I only played short pitch version ( pitch is shorter than the original version ) of the game. Out of my curiosity I went to them and requested to let me pitch one ball. With immense enthusiasm I proceeded to pitch the ball. I threw the ball with all my strength but the ball did not even reach half pitch before the first drop and due to its slow speed it bounced twice before reaching the batsman. The message was clear to all, I have never played cricket. They did not spare me from shattering my self-confidence with their cruel laughter. After couple of years I became a pretty decent bowler. However, by that time boys of my age group stopped playing cricket.

        For me, materialistic era started when I was in 8th grade. My family moved from a small town Comilla to the Port city Chittagong. Naturally I had to change my school. At my new class I discovered that 50% of my classmates had PC. Back then I did not have PC and it was considered to be an expensive possession for any boy. I had left my friends and old school. So, the time was testing my socialization skills. I needed to find some friends. This time the topic changed to a new direction - " Computer Games ". Though I made some really good friends but whenever they would talk about PCs and games I wondered, " what the hell they are talking about ". You know, this is the biggest problem with the materialistic era, it has set its nose into socialization process. You cannot completely accept it you cannot completely deny it.

         People these days are very serious about media. They watch latest movies and have their favorite genre of music. Watching movies and listening to music are two of those rare activities that I love doing. Ironically, I did not know that music has got different genres before I was in 11th grade. By that time, behind my knowledge, most of the boys around me had listened to a vast sum of metal songs. When they would talk about their favorite bands and guitarists I would feel like an ignorant. Ignorance is not always bliss !!

A Story of Hatred

Once when I was visiting a Chakma family in Rangamati, ( a south-eastern hill district of Bangladesh, home to Chakma ethnic group ) I was asked a strange question by a little Chakma boy, " Will you eat me ( alive )? ". To anyone it might sound like a funny question of a little kid but, there is a very serious reason behind this question. For some reason, that boy believed that, we ( Bangalis/ Muslims ) eat Chakmas alive( readers who don't know about CHT conflict please follow http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chittagong_Hill_Tracts_Conflict ). I don't know why such a little boy asked me that questions. I mean, he is too young to understand the political crisis going on in that region. I guess he must have heard horrible stories from his mother or any other elder about Bangalis killing or in allegorical sense, eating Chakmas. I laughed at his question and mockingly said, " Yes, i'll eat you alive ". However, I felt the emotion underneath the question, 'hatred'.


Subcontinent has a long history of hatred. We hate outsiders. Ironically we hate each other the most. We are even proud of it as far as it is not a matter of real shame. In 1857  Indian soldiers of East India Company began a mutiny. This mutiny is mentioned with pride in our history book. Do you know what did these heroes do just after they had took control of Delhi? They slaughtered all  Christians and Whites of Delhi. But that is way insignificant compared to the Hindu- Muslim riot during India-Pakistan division. I remember once my father pinched my grandfather by saying that Bangladesh should have been a part of India. My grandfather became so angry that he replied, " Selim ( my father's name ), you should go to India. When you'll be kicked  by the Hindus then you'll learn a lesson. ". My grandfather had business in Calcutta before 1947. He had to leave his business behind because of the separation or may be because of the riot. No wonder, he hated Indians ( or Hindus as he said ).


In 1971 Bangladesh got independence from Pakistan through a blood shaded war. As a result, now many of us hate Pakistan. Furthermore, our media promote this hatred. It occurs that hating Pakistan has become a part of our patriotism. Few days earlier, one astrology writer of a popular newspaper of Bangladesh wrote that he was ashamed for something terrible he did in his youth. The terrible deed was, reciting poem on the radio on the occasion of Jinnah's birthday!!  Sometimes I wonder, how come all Pakistani responsible for 1971.

Discrete Strings

1

Drops of rain

like the neuron chain

mix in the wind with memory drain.

2

Sounds are blurred

but the Sight is clear.

I try to speak but no one hear.

3

Open the window

let the sunlight in.

Let me see what you have seen.

4

By my wall I stand alone.

Close is the window

where the shadows moan.

5

I lock myself

in the prison of fate.

I drop my letters at the heaven's gate.

6

Thoughts I think

and the dreams I dream

are filling into Discrete Strings!!!